dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
