Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
