my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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