i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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