just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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