Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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