Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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