mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
