Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
