dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
