No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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