there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
