just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
