Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
