sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
