Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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