Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
