I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
