My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
