Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
