The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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