i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
