I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
