If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
