she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
