Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
