He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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