after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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