I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
