i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
