he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't deserve a penis
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
