the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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