Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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