You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
