Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
