I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
