apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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