No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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