2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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