this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
