yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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