I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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