Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
