this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
