was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
