you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
