I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
