the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
