Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
