i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
