I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am naked and annoyed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
