Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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